just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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