I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
As shirtless as possible
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize