saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
