He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize