Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
