The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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