yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
