She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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