but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
