If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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