I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
