wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
