He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
