i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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