Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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