oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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