I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
