Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your penis caused this!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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