My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
handjob tips. give me some.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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