You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
