you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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