someone owes me an orgasm
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
