You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
