There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
