then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
