I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
