i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize