Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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