I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
