Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
