if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Come on in and take your pants off
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