Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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