My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
