I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
