your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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