she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
