due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
