I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
