my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
