i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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