If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
