i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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