I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
