I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
