Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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