I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
