Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
