I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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