It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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