you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
