i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize