Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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