can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
