Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do herpes really smell.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
