The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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