billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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