Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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