Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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