he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
