who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
