i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
