Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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