There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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