There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
