I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
