I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
