I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
