he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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