'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
