I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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