So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
