I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
