Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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