there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
