So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
