i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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