I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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