The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
