At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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