I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
