Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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