found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
