thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
