Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
