I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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