6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
